有時候很想聽一些表達你心情的歌。
這兒，這一刻，現在，整天，想的人，這心情。
找到了，很想跟你關心的人分享。
才發現音樂不是真的universal。

（h/t herman）

汽球
作詞：許哲珮　作曲：許哲珮

黑的白的紅的黃的　紫的綠的藍的灰的
你的我的他的她的　大的小的圓的扁的
好的壞的美的醜的
新的舊的各種款式各種花色任你選擇
黑的白的紅的黃的　紫的綠的藍的灰的
你的我的他的她的　大的小的圓的扁的
好的壞的美的醜的
新的舊的各種款式各種花色任我選擇
飛的高高越遠越好　剪斷了線它就死掉
壽命短短高興就好　喜歡就好沒大不了
越變越小越來越小　快要死掉也很驕傲
你不想說就別再說　我不想聽不想再聽
就把一切誓言當作汽球一般隨它而去
我不在意不會在意　放它而去隨它而去
汽球　飄進雲裡　飄進風裡　結束生命
汽球　飄進愛裡　飄進心裡　慢慢死去

Alone at home, it’s long past midnight. A dim light is on. You check your e-mail. Nothing – again.

You wonder where she is now. Is she maybe out? Still at work? Perhaps on her way home? Already sleeping? Has she thought about me at all? Does she even know I am waiting, dying for her to reply?

誰能夠將天上月亮電源關掉
它把你我沈默照得太明瞭
關於愛情我們瞭解的太少
愛了以後又不覺可靠

You wonder why she hasn’t replied to your e-mail yet. Can it be that she hasn’t read it yet? Not all of us are glued to the computer, after all. But it’s been a full day already. Perhaps she read it, but doesn’t know how to respond?

How will she react? Will she get what I am trying to say? Will she be touched? The uncertainty is .. such an agony.

你和我看著霓虹　穿過了愛情的街道
有種不真實味道

Moments of intense vulnerability set in when you open up yourself to someone you deeply care about, and you are unsure how the other person will respond. Waiting for a reply is an agony, and rarely does the response turn out to be as exhilarating as it was excruciating waiting for it.

我們一直忘了要搭一座橋
到對方心底瞧一瞧
體會彼此什麼才最需要
別再寂寞的擁抱

You wonder whether you /like/ being disappointed. Whether you are setting yourself up for failure, because it is always less painful disappointing yourself than have the other let you down. To briefly open up yourself, only to close and shutdown yourself as fast as possible, before the other can do so. And thereby excluding any real possibility to a true, shared connection.

誰能夠將電台情歌關掉
它將你我心事唱得太敏感
當兩顆心放在感情天秤上
想了太多又做得太少

Years later, you remember these moments in your life, and they are gone, a distant memory. You think back, and you almost pine for that kind of pain. To feel again, at any cost.

And then it hits you. Hard. And you realize they were never gone. Just waiting for that one moment where you drop your guard. And you hold back your tears, and wryly smile. The song still on repeat.

你和我仰望星空　走到了愛情的邊疆
有種不確定預感

But a nomad’s life is really best characterized by disjunctures and discontinuities. When travel becomes constant and sometimes no longer a choice. It’s a choice as long as you have a home to go back to – opting out is effectively that, returning to the normal. But if a constant journey is the norm – what is there to go back to? Airports, train stations? No, ” home” slowly loses its meaning – it’s a loss of control of direction. Forward, forward, ever forward. A relentless going forward.

The realization that this comes at a price. The impossibility of any continuation. The infeasibility of the long-term. The harm it does to any relationship you have, friendships, kindred souls, even family. Constantly rebuilding – many eventually leave the journey, with perhaps only a few remaining fellow travelers. People stay, but you come and go.

What most people don’t realize: Every time you start anew, a little bit of you dies inside. Freedom, at a price, sometimes too high a price, and sometimes you don’t find out, until you stop, look around, and it’s gone. And you are too afraid to ask: “Was it worth it?”

I leave you with a song from Wu Bai, called “white dove”.

前方啊 沒有方向 身上啊 沒有了衣裳
Straight ahead, without direction, body unclothed

鮮血啊 滲出了翅膀 我的眼淚濕透了胸膛
Blood oozing from my wing, my tears thoroughly soaking my chest

飛翔著 強忍著傷 逃離了獵人的槍
Soaring in the air, bearing the wound, escaping from the hunter’s gun

我的雙腳沒有了知覺 我的心情下冰冷的雪
My feet have no consciousness; feeling like ice-cold snow is falling in my heart

親愛的母親 摯愛的朋友 我會堅定好好的活
Dearest mother, true friend, I can be strong, I will live well

沉默的大地 沉默的天空 紅色的血繼續的流
Silent earth, silent heaven, red blood continuously flows

縱然帶著永遠的傷口 至少我還擁有自由
Even though I carry everlasting scars, at least I still have freedom

飛翔啊 飛在 天空 用力 吹吧無情的風
Soaring in the air, flying in the sky, against the merciless wind

我不會害怕 也無須懦弱 流浪的路我自己走
I will not be afraid, I don’t have to be a coward, roaming everywhere by myself

那是種驕傲 陽光的灑脫 白雲從我腳下掠 過
That is something to take pride in, carefree sunshine, white clouds sweeping by beneath my feet

乾枯的身影 憔悴的面容 揮著翅膀 不再回頭
Withered figure, thin and pallid face, flapping my wings, never turning to look back

縱然帶著永遠的傷口 至少我還擁有自由
Even though I carry everlasting scars, at least I still have freedom

Also available in plain text.

Lung Ying-tai is one of the people I look to for inspiration. Her new book just came out and I hope I get the chance to read it soon.

The tangled web of logic is written by Brett Banks, someone who, as a friend of mine would say, ‘has the boiling blood of a nomad’, having been to pretty much everywhere in the world, including Canada, Mexico, Australia, many parts of Asia etc. Some of you might also be interested in the Global Citizenship Series at UBC that Brett worked on. It was Brett’s post on Living Like a Refugee that initially caught my attention.

Speaking of refugees, some of you may know I have a long standing interest in issues like the flow of people, and in particular the constraints on this flow, such as immigration laws. I thus wanted to introduce you to a second blog, ImmigrationProf Blog, (the title says it all) run by professor Kevin Johnson, Bill Hing and Jennifer Chacon, all professors at UC Davis. They do people like me a great service in keeping track of the recent developments in immigration law (focusing on the US mostly) and providing thoughtful comments.

An immigrant blog more specific to the situation where I am from is Wij Blijven Hier!. This is a Dutch blog and the title literally means “We Are Here to Stay!” – and although it is within one country, it is a bridgeblog in many aspects of the word – bridging the (mostly Muslim) immigrants to the other Dutch citizens who do not necessarily understand immigrant or Muslim culture. Small sidenote: I somehow wish there was also a non-Muslim Dutch immigrant voice to this otherwise amazing group weblog, which is run by Ashraf, Eighty, Faisal, Khadija, Mehwish, ReFlex, Tasneem and Umar.

For something entirely different, please visit the Hong Kong music review blog 斥測樂壇, (in Chinese) run by Holf Yuen. An independent voice and great resource for getting the skinny on the latest music releases in Hong Kong. Especially now that I am not in Asia myself, I depend on sites like these to find some good music amidst the commercial noise known as the Hong Kong entertainment marketing machineries.

Last but not least, I give you Interlocals, a recent citizen journalist website started by my friend Oiwan Lam and Roland Soong of ESWN fame, as well as Coco, Iam Chong, all from Hong Kong, Chung Kai from Malaysia, Dongwon from South Korea, Chung-pei and Li-bun from Taiwan. The website seeks to stimulate “interlocal” dialogue between the non-English speaking world (using, ironically, English to communicate). Personally, I am most excited about the Letters and Dialogues part where people can send in letters and have them answered by someone from a particular region or culture – it is like a letter to the editor, except for the fact that we are all editors. This blog just started so keep an eye out for it!

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Originally uploaded by lokman.

good morning, dear mum. i am sorry i am away all these years and that i cannot be with you on mother’s day. but i will see you soon. hope you will have a happy day with nice weather.

早安,親愛的媽媽. 我很難過我最近幾年都不能跟您一起度過母親節. 好在我們快就可以見面. 希望今天天氣好,您過得快樂.

wish you peace of mind and good health, especially your arm, for the next year.

祝您心靜如止水,一切平安,身體健康.

love you,
lokman

洛文上.

介紹一下一個我超喜歡的作家:西西. 寫短篇的眼光特別細節. 知識,內心一樣廣闊. 還記得是在台北的時候, 剛跟好朋友吃完飯, 到了誠品逛, 問朋友她感想最深刻的書是哪一本. 她指著西西的畫/話本. 一頁一圖一故事,都聽到她親切的跟你分享她對人生感覺到的奧妙,神奇,樂趣. 如果我能選一個可以一起喝咖啡的人, she is on top of that list.