Tomorrow I will be taking my comprehensive exams. They are comprehensive in the sense that I can be tested on pretty much everything I am supposed to know. The trick is, of course, figuring out the ambiguity of what it is that I am supposed to know (there is no reading list for example). The ambiguity consists of two circles: the first circle is what do they think you are supposed to know, and the second circle is what do you think yourself are supposed to know? There will be much overlap in the two of course, but the fear inexplicably will be that the two do not completely overlap and that there is a disjuncture between the two, and that, greek tragedy all aside, you will be exactly tested on the latter. Then there are the histories of people who have taken the test in the past, growing more grotesque as time goes by and distortion upon distortion is pounded in the whispering taking place in the hallways. The intransparency of it all only fuels your imagination to even greater heights (and depths).

Technically, the exams will be on Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week. I will start my exam each day at 10am and I will hand it back at 6pm. You are supposed to have roughly written 10 pages, well-structured, clearly argued, showing that you are in control of the literature and the field.

Am I nervous? I am strangely calm – a state not unlike being in the eye of the storm is perhaps an apt metaphor. But I know what I know, and I am who I am. That is a truism, but one that is useful to remember in the face of an important test. Another truism: try to enjoy it, and remember to keep breathing.