The value of being in a state of in-between, of not-quite-there-yet, but already too far to go back is one of a possible timely intervention in the face of reflection.

What I mean with that is, being halfway, we have enough experience and history to assess what is going on, where we are right now and where we are heading towards and whether that is a track you want to be on, or a track you need to be on: the two are not necessarily the same (never mind the possibility of assessing what is a ‘right’ track). If they are not the same, what takes precedence?

The hedonistic might answer that which you desire, which does not necessarily equate with what you want either – for sometimes you can overdose that which you desire, extravagant indulgement of the senses. Perhaps the suggestion then is that balance is key: wanting it bad enough, but satisfying the desire enough to keep the want going.

Personally, though, it seems I have chosen for the path which I need to be on. I do not particularly enjoy what I do right now – how does one measure enjoyment but through happiness? – but I consider the times I am going through as ‘good’ for me in the sense that I to be here to learn, to grow. One then, can measure, whether you are heading towards the right direction by measuring what one has learned, by growth – unmistakingly, then, the two years and then some that I have been here have been ‘good’: never before so challenged in my life, come across limitations and attempting to expand those limitations.

What is the difference though, with leading an ascetic life, if we define ascetism as growth through suffering? Perhaps we can turn to guidance from the lessons of happiness: once again, balance is key, but on another (meta) level: balance not just between desire and want, but between want and need. I have enough what I need, where do I get my share of what I want? A silent week of meditation, of turning off the noise, of religiously attending the temples of my life, watching film and listening to music, are some of the answers I turn to.

But why think in dualities and dichtomies? Why are the two, want and need, necessarily irreconcilable? How does one start to consider reconciling want and need? I apologize for a lack of answer on my part, and invite you to consider this question and share your suggestions.